This morning I realised with a shock that my summer holiday is basically over. I feel rested, but the thought of heading back to the world of professional chaos is enough to have me on day 5 of continuous headaches. Varying between migraine level and just an annoyance level, throbbing.
Of course my last weekend is to be spent like we did at school. But unlike singing the old back to school verse, of the TV advertisement, I just sing the back to reality part while ensuring that my house, clothes, shoes and everything I probably will have limited time for is in order.
The grocery list is being drafted, doctors’ appointments scheduled, pharmacy lists to be collected and reconciled, and of course, checking my budget as it is Januworry here in South Africa. Most of all, I fear what my electricity bill will look like at the end of January, with my air conditioner running the whole time, as I may be heading for the feared”change”. Because heaven help me, I feel like a cell phone which is being used to record a 4-hour video. Completely hot and bothered.
Today I am not sure if it is Cerberus paying me a visit or if it is just a feeling of hopelessness. I had every intention of changing my life up. From the way I react to people and situations to ensuring that I do not run my temper in the red because other people do not act the way I would act. Because they are not me and I should not expect the same level of courteousness and respect from them as I like to give to others. One day…. That is how long it lasted.
There have been a few other things in the last 8 days that have cut deep to make me wonder if I am just different or if life is just a practical joke being played on me constantly.
But do not fear dear readers. I will not give up. I wil persevere. Because you do not get so far down this windy road filled with pebbles and thorns on bare feet of major depression, without grit. Grit that I have in bucketloads and I will keep scooping it out and making use of it.
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