Dear readers, I konw I have been absent for some time. I am very sorry for that. But I am sure as depression survivors you know that during the battles with your black dog, life becomes a daily struggle. The things you enjoy most, lose their appeal. The people and those dearest to you suffer in seeing the vibrant light which shines from you starting to fade into darkness.
But that is when you, like I do by now, should hear the nuclear missile alert alarm being triggered. Every fibre in your body should scream and fight for you to rebuild your pillars of strength. Sometimes, depending on the situation, this can be done in days or weeks. Sometimes your foundations were ripped to the core by an extinction level event in your life. You feel like your soul should be saving bottled water and toilet paper for survival.
This time I was lucky. I am suffering from what I believe is long term burnout. Being an accountant / auditor I have been running on pure addrenaline for about 25 years now. I believe we start running on it the first day you step into university and you do not stop until you make the choice to stop. The choice to always want the bigger, better and more perfect scenario. Here is the problem with that thought…..
Being that person, who strives for excellence and performance is ingrained in most of us accountant / auditor types. It is the fibres we are woven from. So hitting the big red stop button is like a betrayal to who you are…. So how do I make this work?
Practice. Practice and more practice. Failing at it and more failing at it. Learning from each fall. Because unless you learn from each defeat or injury, there is no point in keeping going in the direction you are going. For me – the top is the ONLY option. And the TOP is not a job, a salary, a title. It is being the BEST me that I can be. Because I owe it to myself. Not to anyone else.
So follow the glimmer guys if you dare. But know this. The fight has to be for YOU! No fight against your black dog will or can be won, unless the fight is faught by you, for you and to learn your lesson. If you fight for another reason you will lose.
Make yourself a priority today. Because you are enough already! But you can be amazing if you allow yourself to be! Follow the light…. Even if it is the smallest glimmer. I know I do. Even if the cavern turns dark every now and again. It is not about how many times you fall…… It is about that you keep getting back up!
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